Hang on…let me just finish “friending” Michael Phelps on Facebook. Ok, let’s get started.

The scores are just in, and yes!!! Mary Carillo can now lay claim to having the deepest voice of any female reporter in history!

I think that the Chinese should get that cute little girl who lip synced for the not-so-cute girl at the open ceremony to lip sync Mary Carillo’s reports on Chinese culture too. That would be great! You know, if we could get past the level of freakiness that would be maybe only second to the little girl in the Exorcist.

Just when I thought that the media could never over talk about anyone more than Barack Obama, Brett Favre burst on to the scene with his un-retirement and knocked Barack flat on his you know what. That’s when Favre got cocky, though…because BAM!!! Ladies and gentleman, we have a new champion! Michael Phelps didn’t even take notice of Obama’s world tour. He yawned at Favre as Favre captured our attention with his…uhhh, ummm, whatever the heck he was doing. No, Michael Phelps wasn’t intimidated. On the way to an unprecedented 8 straight gold medals, he won something even more prestigious. Phelps now stands alone as the recipient of the most ridiculously fawning media coverage ever. Congrats Mike. It’s a big honor.

That being said…that Michael Phelps sure is good, isn’t he? Sorry. I guess I got caught up in it all.

Speaking of good. Usain Bolt. Wow. I’d like to see him race Michael Phelps.

You know, that would be a good idea. We should have Phelps represent the USA in every event. Weight lifting, water polo, women’s beach volleyball, basketball (hey, he could take Jason Kidd’s spot, he’s not doing much). I honestly am not seeing the downside here.

Being the 29th Olympiad, it is notated as XXIX in Roman numerals. 2012 in London will be the XXX Olympics. Will that be televised on NBC or Showtime late night? Either way, I can see women’s beach volleyball getting some monster ratings. Bump, set, spike…whoa (pause) (pause)…look away kids.

I wonder if winning gold for the Chinese women’s gymnastics girls is a little bitter sweet for anyone in China? Like, “hey, that’s wonderful. It’s just unfortunate that they’re really only 10 years old and were torn away from their parents when they were 3 because they showed some athletic promise.” Whatever it takes, right? Hmmm…

Speaking of age, does anyone know how old Dara Torres is? I mean, because she looks older than the other swimmers…but I don’t know if the media ever mentioned her age or not.

After winning gold in a rowing event, one of the US team members said (paraphrasing), “We’ve worked so hard for this, and it feels good to work hard for something and to then achieve it.” Amen, sister. That’s a winner right there.

For anyone who thinks that patriotism or nationalistic pride is dead, explain to me why millions of Americans (myself included) were sitting on the edge of our seats, awake way past our bedtimes, wishing (with lumps in our throats) that Alicia Sacramone could have just one do over on the balance beam…an event, mind you, that 99% of us know nothing, nor normally care nothing, about.

Can I just say, barring an epic upset, that it is going to be so nice to restore order in the basketball world again when the “Redeem Team” wins gold in a few weeks.

Did anyone else enjoy watching Bob Costas squirm when Mary Carillo brought him a fried scorpion to eat? Dude was sweating like Brittany Spears in a child custody hearing. Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week!

Hold on a second…ok, I’m back. Just had to make the medals totals page on espn.com my homepage on my phone.

So, did anyone see the finish of the women’s marathon? The winner averaged somewhere around 5:15 per mile for 26 miles. As a former college athlete and as someone who has done some long distance running, that is just flat out mind boggling. That’s almost Michael Phelps impressive…ok, ok, just kidding. Seriously, though, and I want you to hear me on this. No one is better than Michael Phelps…at anything…ever.

Does the Chinese crowd sound identical to a video game crowd during the USA basketball games or what? It’s basically silence, silence, silence…USA dunks…ooohhh, awwww, silence. I’m just waiting to hear, “wild shot! He’s on fire!” (just a little NBA Jam throwback for those of you old enough to remember). All that being said, I think the new goal for the “Redeem Team” should be to dunk so often that there remains a constant state of cheering at the games.

Speaking of USA basketball, this has nothing to do with the Olympics, but has anyone ever seen the 50 millions pounds advertisements done by the likes of Kobe and Lebron? Well, Kobe says, “as a member of the USA Men’s Basketball Senior National Team…blah, blah, blah,” to start out the ad, and I always think, “why does he have to say ‘Senior’ National Team?” I don’t think if he just said, “as a member of the USA Men’s Basketball Team” that we would all be biting our nails and murmuring to each other, “he didn’t say ‘Senior’ National Team, is he playing JV or Varsity?”

Put me in the category of people that is absolutely not cool…no way, now how…with citizens of the United States playing for other countries. Here’s looking at you Chris Kaman, JR Holden, and Becky Hammon.

Is shooting a BB Gun at a target from like 10 feet away really an Olympic sport? And why does China’s gold medal in that event…where they barely edged out like Sierra Leone and some island nation with a total population of 9 people…count as much as winning gold in basketball? It’s a travesty, I say…a travesty.

So, I was watching women’s synchronized diving (I know, I know, don’t worry, I went outside and killed a buffalo with my bare hands afterwards to regain my manliness), and Mexico was up. All the divers count to 3 before starting their routine, so I’m thinking, “Oh, I got this. I can definitely count to 3 in Spanish. I’ve seen Dora.” However, instead of uno, dos, tres…it was more like, “uno, dos, ‘word I’ve never heard before ever.’” It was demoralizing. Can someone get Michael Phelps in here to translate please?

Thought I had: would watching the Olympics be nearly as fun if you were from say Norway, or Switzerland, or Argentina? One of the best parts about watching the Olympics as an American is winning almost everything all the time. I have to admit. It’s kinda nice.

Is it just me or is every American openly rooting against China even if the USA isn’t involved in the event? Watching that medal count, watching it good.

Speaking of China, it’s about time that we had a Communist rival again. I’d like to say that they won’t last as a world power (being that Communism doesn’t really work), but if we keep shipping all of our manufacturing there, it could be the other way around…but that’s another topic.

I find it comical to watch China fall all over themselves to give the impression that they aren’t an oppressive Communist regime. Only they attempt to do this with more oppressing.

And in a related story, China oppressed more citizens today in an attempt to cover up former and ongoing oppression.

I’d like to see them try to oppress Michael Phelps.

Ok, now I’m just rambling.

I’d love you hear your thoughts on the Olympics. Put them in the comments section.

Peace.

I’m out.