We’re all familiar with Jeff Foxworthy and his famous redneck jokes. They’re great, right? I mean, if there’s one thing I think we can all get behind, it’s making fun of people who are different…different, of course, meaning stupid since obviously everyone that is different from us is automatically stupid for being so. Anyway, I was thinking (I know…look out!), while Jeff Foxworthy is busy listing reasons to laugh at rednecks and their backwards thinking, who is doing this for liberals? No one…and it’s really a shame, because liberals are undoubtedly the craziest group of people out there. Need proof? Check out just a few of the pics from one of these liberal rallies. Seriously though, Jeff Foxworthy has actually done society a great service. His jokes have opened the eyes of a great many rednecks by helping them to see their redneck ways. I aim to provide a similar service for liberals. Therefore, in that spirit that I’d like to present to you this preliminary list of ten ways to tell if you’re a liberal.

You know you’re a liberal if…

you tear up every time a tree is cut down or an animal is eaten, but you fight tooth and nail to ensure that humans can still legally kill their babies.

you get all worked up when the man who organized the mass slaughter of 3,000 innocent Americans has a little water poured on his nose and mouth.

you aim to achieve racial equality in society by advancing policies that treat certain people differently solely because of their race (i.e. affirmative action).

you would like to give socialized health care a shot in America even though it’s been a catastrophic failure everywhere else it’s been implemented.

your idea of a fair tax system is one where some individuals are forced to pay in at much higher percentages than others just because.

you consider Rush Limbaugh to be a disgusting, racist, unintelligent pig even though you have never actually heard him speak before.

you scream and holler that the US government isn’t setting aside enough money to feed impoverished nations around the world, yet you have never sent even one dime of your own stash to help.

you feel that global warming is a bigger threat to our country than radical Islam.

you argue to the death that America shouldn’t have gone into Iraq since Saddam’s atrocities didn’t directly affect us, yet you openly condemn the United States for not intervening in Darfur.

you spent 8 years lambasting Bush as a socially dysfunctional, dimwitted rube who was an embarrassment to our more sophisticated counterparts across the pond, yet you were silent when Barack Obama gave Gordon Brown a box on DVD’s or the Queen an iPod as gifts, or when he thanked himself during a press conference not realizing that the Prime Minister of Ireland’s speech was still on the teleprompter, or even when he screwed up his oath of office.

They’d all be funny if they weren’t so serious, huh?

Nevertheless, if you’ve identified with most of these, then chances are…you’re a liberal! But if you’re still not sure, answer this bonus question.

____________ is the root of all evil?

If you said, “America” then you, my friend, are a foaming at the mouth, barking at the moon, tin foil hat wearing, muttering to yourself, padded room residing, stop looking at me chicken I don’t even like spaghetti or seagulls why can’t I move my arms who is that orange guy it’s not even my birthday George Bush I eat plastic figurines Halliburton I wanna ride the pretty pony weapons of mass destruction storage boxes everywhere violet Dick Cheney bliuhngi sgoooommnb ioasdfjieynihadgla liberal.

Congratulations! Now, for the good of the country…stop being one. Please!