Everybody knows about spam. It comes in a can. It was put there by a man…in a factory downtown. Wait…I think those were peaches. So never mind, and when I say spam I’m not actually referring to that weird meat substance either. I’m talking about all those unwanted emails, those friend requests on myspace that, from what I can tell, if aren’t spam could only be from prostitutes, and if you are a blogger, those ridiculous comments that somehow squeeze through Akismet, or whatever spam service you use. Yes, similar to how email spam blocking tools catch the obvious spam messages with 91 links about Viagra yet sometimes miss that letter from the Prince of Nigeria who is just dying to give you $100,000,000 if you’ll only first send him a few grand, the same goes for spam blockers for blog comments too. They always let a few slip through the cracks. So, I thought it would only be fair to take a moment to publicly respond to some of these comments I’ve received recently. After all, spammers are people too…or maybe not people, but robots…but not robots like you’re thinking, more like…ahh never mind.

Anyway, let’s get on with it, but before we do, full disclosure: I am actually a spamming robot who has come to destroy your primitive way of life I did not come up with the idea to respond to spam comments, but rather, I saw it first at IMAO. So, you may shower him with your praises for the brilliant idea. If you’re sending money or gifts, though, please send those to me.

Ok, on with the show.

“Have a good day! I just find my Soul Match from here:dates personalsmatchHot Online Datingdates personalsdates personalsfree dating personal” – Gregory Despain

Hey, thanks Greg! YOU have a good day too! I like to find my Soul Food from here:restaurants goodeatsrestaurants Hot Southern Cooking freeeatsfood good.

“Good website, wherever did you appear up using the info in this piece? I’m pleased I identified it even though, ill be checking back quickly to see what other posts you have.” – Cigarettes smokeless

Mr. smokeless, I have thankfulness that you written about this thing. I am liking to keep my pieces very identified and clean like the bison. Once I appeared up in the shadow of the great spirit, and he was also much promised to check back quickly of new posts. I tell him day and night of my penchant for spaghetti.

“Thanks for posting. Good to see that not everyone is using RSS feeds to build their blogs” – Joe Theesfeld

Tell me about it, Joe! I mean, what is this…2010 or something? Sheesh. Besides, RSS feeds are for sissies anyway. I prefer to take the spoils of my enemies, grind them into tiny bits, melt them with the hot sun, and mold them as I please to build my blog…and if that doesn’t work, I like to use an RSS feed. You can find mine here. I suggest you subscribe or be banished to the Moon forever!!!

“Cool article. No surprises that Google was number 1…” – compare lcd tv

I appreciate it, compare…er, Mr. tv. Ummm, I’m sorry I don’t know what to call you. I only took French in high school and college, and I haven’t kept up with it. But getting to the matter at hand, it may be unsurprising to you that Google was number 1, but you’d be…uhh…surprised. It was a close, close race, and I have to say there, lcd, you didn’t do too shabby yourself. I’ll be posting the official results soon…but not on this blog, rather I’ll be carving them into the side of a purple unicorn for all the world to see!

“Money can buy friendship but money cannot buy love.” – Earl Mckernin

Earl…you, my friend, are a magician with words, and you always have been as long as I’ve known you, which has been, well…ok, so we don’t know each other, and you’re not even a real person, but still. I’ve been making so so so so soooooo much money with this blog for so long now that I’ve lost sight of this simple truth. Thank you for posting this comment on, Barack Obama: Guilty by Association, because I found it deeply relevant.

“Intriguing post. I have been searching for some good resources for solar panels and discovered your blog. Planning to bookmark this one!” – Tanisha Doescher

Please do bookmark! If you’re into solar panels, you’ve come to the right place! When I chose the tag line “Sports/Politics/Life” for this blog, I generally assumed my readers knew I was really talking about solar panels. Some of them aren’t as quick as you, though. Thanks for setting the pace, Tanisha.

“Great blog you have here but i seem to be having a problem downloading your RSS feed. Everytime i click it it comes up with error 777. It might be my own Mobile. I have a Mac with kaspersky A.V. Im not sure if its enabled. Let me know if anyone else has mentioned any issues or its just me. Im not too good with PCs. I cant see my message after submitting so im not sure if you will see this. Ill bookmark your site and check by in a couple of days for a response. Please let me know if you know of a way around it” – Trance Singles

Oh no, not error 777! Anything but error 777! Error 777 once wiped out the planet of my ancestors simply because they would not enable kaspersky A.V., or maybe it was because they weren’t good with PCs. I can’t remember for certain (you know, with all this revisionist history today…thank you very much, George Jetson), but either way you are screwed. I’m afraid at this point, I can be of no help. It is your own Mobile, and based on the fact that you were able to type that you couldn’t see your message after submitting at the very same time that you were actually typing the message you were trying to submit only confirms that you are now lost in a time warp forever. Good luck in there, and if you see Bob from Accounting, tell him that I’d like to increase my W-4 exemptions to infinity.

“Idleness is leisure gone to seed.” – Will Friley

I know, right? Just like patience is violence gone to the ladies room. And yet these kids today still walk around the mall lookin’ like fools with their pants on the ground. You and me, Will…you and me. We’re the only ones who get it.

“I was first tuned into Diners, Drive-ins and Dives on a trip to Portland for my birthday. I love greasy spoons so we made our way over to the Byways Cafe (yummy yummy). From then I was hooked, we’ve been on a couple trips so far like Utah and Chicago which was awesome! Plan on hitting up a few more soon.” – discount calling cards

This is what I’m talking about people! Thank you, Mr. calling cards. Here I go and write a piece entitled Persuasion Tactics of the Left, and only one guy out there will take the time to comment on it about his love for greasy spoons. By the way, Happy Birthday! How old are you now, sir? I just turned 2 trillion toothpicks last calculator, but I don’t feel a taco over iPhone! Hahahahaha…end transmission.

“This is probably the most extraordinary blogs Ive read in a very incredibly long time. The level of details in here is breathtaking, like you practically wrote the book around the topic. Your blog is excellent for anybody who wants to realize this subject a lot more. Excellent stuff; please maintain it up!” – Smokeless Cigarettes

Hey Smokey! It is the greatness to having your commenting face again in this time of great turmoil! I can take my utmost joy to write the book around the topic! Plus, realizing subjects a lot more is my pleasureful. I am in hope that our mighty warrior Lebron James will show his conqueress bosom to Mr. Obama as our together children weep. But until that fateful spring morn, I am to be honored to maintain it up!

And doesn’t that just sum it up. For whether it be in blogs or in life, we should all strive harder to maintain it up. After all, anything else is but idleness gone to seed. Thank you, spammers, for your contributions. Without you we’d all be susceptible to error 777 by foolishly building our sites with RSS feeds while ignoring our one true calling…writing about solar panels while listening to Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives on that special birthday trip to Portland with our best friend, discount.

Have a good day! Google’s #1!