All right, so who here has seen Dora the Explorer on television? Ok, good…that’s a fairly high percentage of you guys. You can put your hands down now. What’s that? Yes, I can see you. Just kidding, but I do see dead people, and I too have seen Dora. I’ve seen it more than a few times actually, and I’ve noticed throughout my many viewings, that they don’t try to mix it up too much on that show. The plot of each episode is essentially the same. Dora and Boots encounter some type of dilemma, and in order to resolve it, they must travel through three distinct locations…pointed out to us by their whiny compadre, The Map. Along the way they encounter various talking animals and plants, all who happen to be Spanish speaking, and these friends often help them along the way. Their quest is not without its drama, though. In order to accomplish the task at hand, Dora and Boots must deal with Swiper the Fox, who tries to…you guessed it…swipe stuff. Luckily, Swiper consistently throws in the towel after being asked nicely to stop a few times. Rumor has it that he was originally mentored by Mufasa from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, who had similar difficulties holding up when asked the same question 3 or more times. Anyway, long story short, Dora and Boots always end up solving the problem, and they always celebrate their victory by doing a little dance at the end while they sing (as my daughter used to put it), “We did it! We did it! We rary rary did it!”

Why do I bring this up? I mention it, because we as adults sometimes sit around snickering at kids, wondering how they can watch the same stuff over and over and over again. Pshhh…small minded children, right? Well, I hate to burst everyone’s bubble, but we do the same thing all the time. Pshhh…wait, huh? Yeah…take sports, for instance.

Don’t get me wrong, I love sports….I mean, I really love sports. No seriously, I…that’s virtually all I watch on TV, so, I’m not about to start hating on people who watch sports. That being said, correct me if I’m wrong, but…as an example…how does the basic plot differ from game 1 to game 2 of the NBA Finals? Oh sure, part of the allure of sports is the suspense of not knowing the winner until the end, but the ebb and flow, the back and forth, the fundamental game play of any sport differs only slightly from game to game. We sports fanatics love it though! We’ll happily park ourselves on the coach from sundown to sunset on Sundays during football season. We’ll knowingly watch the exact same 30 minute Sportscenter 2 to 3 times in a row (please tell me I’m not the only one who does this)…and I won’t even get into discussing a little channel called ESPN Classic. Yet, we are all too quick to chide the young ones for their desire to take in a Dora marathon.

Now, to all you fellow sports guys ready to take me to the cleaners for comparing your viewing habits to that of a Dora loving 3 year old, and to all you non-sports folk currently pleased as punch with yourselves for being too smart to get suckered into watching something as tedious as sports, please put down your hands. I’ll get to your questions and comments in a minute, and I mean that metaphorically; I already told you I can’t see you…at least not through all these dead people blocking my view. They’re everywhere! Ok, where was I? Oh yeah…two things: to you sports people – chill out, and to you non-sports people – stop gloating; I’m going to get to you, and your love for reality TV, right now.

You see, I’ve come to the conclusion that reality TV is simply sports for people who don’t like sports. Think about it? The football fan wears the jersey of their team on game day; the American Idol fan takes time after the show to text in a couple dozen votes for their favorite singer. The reality TV fan will talk Survivor strategy with other viewers as if discussing how to pitch to A-Rod in the bottom of the ninth with the bases juiced. They might jeer the judges on Dancing with the Stars when their beloved couple gets the boot similarly to how a group of die hards might ride a ref at a basketball game, and just as a heartbroken sports fan mourns with his team after a devastating loss, the Biggest Loser fan mourns with the contestant who has hit the wall. Most importantly, though, just like sports, reality TV rehashes the same thing over and over and over again. I know, I know…each new season of The Bachelor or Big Brother brings new faces and new twists, but they all pretty much follow the exact same pattern…the sole differences being akin to, say, how the Patriots don’t win the Super Bowl every year, or how Dora doesn’t go to Crab Island every episode.

It really is kind of interesting…the parallels. Non-sports people don’t usually “get” sports; sports people generally think reality TV is stupid; and both groups fully agree that only little kids could be entertained watching something as repetitive as Dora again and again. The truth of the matter, though, is that sports, reality TV, and Dora the Explorer are more similar than they are different. They are all based off a basic entertainment template, and they fluctuate only enough from game to game, season to season, episode to episode, so that once we’ve comfortably found a sport/show that suits us, we’ll continue to come back for more…over and over and over again.

Of course, lest I not cover all my bases, I should mention that some people are simply too savvy in their entertainment choices to fall prey to the monotony of sports or reality TV…or Dora. These enlightened individuals are called “movie lovers”…since we all know that movies are forever unique in their ideas and themes, that is, with the exception of action movies, comedies, horror flicks, dramas and even…I’m guessing…adult films. Please, no need to verify that.

Bottom line: we all have different tastes, and I hate to sound like a hippie here, but no matter what you like, it’s ok. You’re ok. We’re all ok. If you like sports only, it’s ok. If you like Reality TV and sports, it’s ok. If you like just action movies, it’s ok. If you like Dora, and you’re above the age of 6, it’s a little strange, but it’s ok. If you like movies and Dora, it’s ok…unless by “movies” you are speaking about those of the adult variety, because aside from the obvious transgressions there alone, coupling it with your affinity for Dora makes it just sick…really disgusting. In fact, if that is the case, I’d better not bump into you on this blog again or you might end up as one of those dead people I keep seeing. I hope that’s clear. Sheesh…and given the sudden turn for the worse this blog has taken, I shall end it now.

Well, one more thing.

I don’t really see dead people.

I do like sports, though…and movies, and some reality TV, and, I admit, even certain aspects of Dora.

Not that any of that matters…since they’re all the same.

Ok…I’m done. Now sing it with me, “We did it! We did it! We rary rary did it!”