Ten Slogans for Copenhagen 2009
As I’m sure you’re well aware, the leaders of the UN nations will rendezvous in Copenhagen a few days from now to debate the best way to combat global warming. And in a related story, a few high school dropout, conspiracy loving, weirdos will be convening in one of their parent’s basements tomorrow night to discuss protection from alien abduction. I’m kidding, of course, but only in the sense that I haven’t received definitive confirmation that the basement alien abduction meeting is, in fact, a go. The Copenhagen one definitely is…and as well it should be. I think it’s important for our leaders to take time out of their busy schedules to meet and collaborate on solutions for problems that don’t exist. I just wonder when they are going to get serious about the flesh-eating robots that are bound to eventually run amuck? I would gladly turn over more of my freedoms to tackle that growing issue, but I guess with the economic downturn, there just isn’t enough taxpayer money available to deal with every single panic-stricken fantasy contrived by man. Bummer…but don’t worry about me, I’ll keep putting on my anti-robot paste every morning until Congress wakes up and does something about it.
In the meantime, though, the Obama administration is set to participate in Copenhagen 2009 to address climate change. How do they plan to do this? Well, it seems at this stage that their strategy is three-fold: blatantly ignore science, fill up Barack’s teleprompter with pretty words, and publically pat themselves on the back afterwards for pretending to care about the polar bears. It’s a strong game plan, I admit, and given that they’re already 0-1 in Copenhagen this year (see: 2016 summer games in Rio), I think they’ll go in there with a chip on their shoulder, determined to put an end to this ridiculous pattern of natural temperature fluctuation that has been allowed to continue unregulated since the beginning of time. If I could, though, I’d like to offer one suggestion. They need to come up with a catchy slogan. I mean, I’m sorry, but Copenhagen 2009 by itself just doesn’t inspire me to abandon all rational thought and join the fight against the flesh-eating robots. What’s that? Oh, I meant against global warming. I tend to get some of the more common hoaxes of the day mixed up in my old age. I apologize. Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, a slogan. My top ten choices are below.
Copenhagen 2009:
Would we really get this worked up for a scam?
Because fascism doesn’t wait for scientific consensus.
Give us your freedoms or die.
Green is our favorite color…money green.
Regergitating manipulated data to promote big government.
Come for the chewing tobacco. Stay for the indoctrination.
Photosynthesis schmotosynthesis. Carbon dioxide is a dangerous pollutant that must be banned.
Environmental extremism fused with cult-like hysteria.
Do as we say, not as we do.
Al Gore will be here, and he invented the internet.
Please, feel free to offer up your own potential slogans in the comments section below…but if you do, don’t forget to send me a check to offset the carbon footprint you left by doing so. Or don’t you care about fighting the flesh-eating robots, er…global warming?
In all seriousness, folks, do your homework. That climate change is man made and a threat to our survival is akin to evolution in that it’s a shotty theory based on faulty studies, intentionally perpetuated by certain groups in order to advance their harmful agendas. Remember, just because something is repeated constantly doesn’t make it true. Hold on to your freedoms. They are precious, fleeting, and under attack.
© 2010 - Aaron Braun-Duin